But I could imagine it.
Maybe I saw the sadness in Claire’s eyes, saw what the waiting during my recovery was doing to her. Perhaps, I wanted to set her free — even if I didn’t know what I was losing.
I sank back against the bed, the paper falling into my lap. The house felt too quiet now, the silence pressing in like a second skin.
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I stared at the open box on the floor, willing it to shift and offer a better explanation.
My brain was trying to catch up,
but my body just felt hollow.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel.
Grief? Yes.
Betrayal? Maybe.
Confusion? Absolutely.
And maybe something much deeper.
Something closer to loss layered inside the loss
I was already drowning in.
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Then came the knock at the door.
It was firm, not tentative like a neighbor offering condolences or a casserole of food. This was someone who knew they had a reason to be there.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and stood. My legs felt heavier than they should have. When I opened the door, a man in a charcoal suit stood on the porch holding an envelope.
« James? » he asked.
« Are you Claire’s husband? »
« Yes. »
« My name is Mr. Johnson. I was your wife’s attorney. May I come in for a moment? »
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I nodded, stepping back to let him in. We didn’t shake hands. He followed me into the living room and paused just before sitting.
« She left something for you, »
he said, offering the envelope.
I hesitated, wondering what on earth Claire could have left behind that wasn’t as unnerving as the contents of the box. I took the envelope from him, and I flinched at seeing Claire’s handwriting.
It was just my first name, written with the same curve and ease she used when labeling spice jars or writing « pick up milk » on the fridge notepad.
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I opened it slowly, unfolding the pages as if they might crumble.
Her words met me like a voice
echoing from a locked room.
« My dearest James,
If you’re reading this, then I’m gone. »
She didn’t waste any time writing about other things. Every single word was measured. Lila — a daughter I’d never known, from a pregnancy she’d faced alone.
« I am deeply sorry for the secrets I kept.
I did what I thought would protect you… protect us.
